Friday, 29 May 2015

29th May 1935 - Mary to Terrick


May 29th

Dearest Ticky,

Love is the devil - and the most entirely illogical emotion on God's earth.  It's just like having a disease for 10 years - with bad relapses here and there alternating with times when one can sit up and talk quite coherently to the rest of the world.  During the relapses one lives in a continual state of active coma - filled with wild meaningless longing and sick of the encroaching outside world which has ceased to count.

I feel like this at the moment - and have done ever since last weekend - but it isn't an inspiring feeling - it doesn't lead e on to higher things - it doesn't make everything seem right.

It's just an unsatisfied feeling - you're there and I'm here - and why aren't we together.  I don't think it's a really sub-human feeling because I don't mind what I'm doing as long as you're just there to do it with me.

- In fact I like it better at weekends than I do on Thursday evenings - so do you too I expect only you can't help yourself.

- Do you think perhaps it would be possible to have a "super-sub" complex, which I'm not able to cope with because I'm not "human" enough? - you see, I'm horribly thoughtless and selfish and never realize how I'm hurting people till it's too late - which shows that something in me is missing - so perhaps the other two are making war on each other to spite me.  I wish I could sit down and think things out sensibly, - but it's like being in Alice's wood where there were no names - only in love you're not allowed to think straight.

- This is a most lovely day and I'm a bit miserable about tomorrow - it would have been marvellous to have taken a picnic tea into the middle of the Park or somewhere and done German there - but I often have these fantastic flights of wonderfullness!

Will you have to go another weekend in June to Boulogne? - Because I'll really come with you then if you do.  I can't in July because of Inge - but surely we could find someone who'd come with us.

We've got the performance on Saturday afternoon with a rehearsal afterwards at the Star and Garter for Sunday.  I don't know how I shall last out thinking of you at home.

I can't say anything about tomorrow evening yet - so don't expect me - but try not to go out as I'll do my best to come - even if I don't arrive until 9.0.  But I'll 'phone you if I'm not coming at all.

- What about coming home with me at 4.30 on Friday and going out on the rive all the evening - that would be lovely.

- You're not a particularly wonderful person, you know - but you've got me badly - probably because you're so much more wonderful than me.

Always yours.

Mary Pleasant

Saturday, 23 May 2015

23rd May 1935 - Terrick to Mary

35 Nevern Place
S.W. 5

23rd May 1935

Dearest One, 

Did you blush a lot at the rehearsal?  Or had they all gone home?

I am sitting at my desk with your photograph just by my right hand.  You look demureness personified.  I am sure the maids think we must be a "sweet" couple.

It was the nicest surprise, the sudden announcement of you by  the office boy.  I was just starting to open about sixty letters from people in answer to an advertisement of ours for a rep.  And my prospect for this evening was three hours hard work.  Instead of that calm and solitary labour, there comes to me an overwhelmingly exciting hour.

On Sunday we explored new territory in our minds - or, at least, I did.  This evening was the same on a different plane.  So long as we have still something more to find out about each other, the chase for the innermost essence goes on.  I suppose that is the secret of people's retaining an interest in each other.  Each must have a depth and complexity of character that just exceeds the divining, perceptive and intuitive power of the other.  And as the power of perceiving modes of thought in others comes from ones own depth & complexity of character, so the characters of each of the couple that fit in this way will be about equally deep & complex.  Deep people soon tire of the company of shallow ones, in other words.

I rang up home.  Twice the connection was cut off in the middle of the conversation & put together again.

Eileen is going first to Wensley & then to Ruby.  D & M have arranged with the German Consul in Darlington that Herbert shall pay money into his bank in Bremen 7 take it out here.  But we are not quite sure if he has taken advantage of it.

I must stop now & look for a good plot for my next play.  I rather want to read "The Angel of the Assassination", a biography of Charlotte Corday who murdered Marat in the French Revolution.  I believe there are the elements of a real drama in that affair.

Don't forget the photograph, will you.  And the boat train from Dover gets in at 3.46p.m. on Sunday.

Goodbye till then, dearest dear.

Wherever I go, and wherever you go, my heart points to you like the needle of a compass.


Friday, 22 May 2015

22nd May 1935 - Terrick to Mary

35 Nevern Place
S.W. 5

22nd May 1935

Dearest Heart

You letter was very nice except for one thing: your reference to the long slushy one you had torn up.  You ought to know by now that I like long slushy letters.

Love makes a person infinitely more susceptible to affront, pique and jealousy than he or she has ever been before; and it needs a great deal of understanding and gentleness on the part of both the people in love to avoid differences that would never occur between the most peppery business partners.  It is my bad luck I suppose (!) to have fallen in love with someone who is less apt than the normal woman at thoughtfulness for others!  Probably you think the same of me.  Still, I believe I can say that fifty percent of my capacity for being annoying is intentional and provoked by the hurts you inflict on me.

Don't take me seriously, old thing.  I am half fooling, and half stabbing out in retaliation for old wounds still sore.

Perhaps it is not generous of me to say it, even foolingly.  Perhaps, like you, I shall tear this letter up after I have got it off my chest.  Or are you understanding enough to bear with a convalescent heart's touchiness?

Yesterday I visited the Aristos Amateur Photoplays.  They have many drawbacks but I do think they would be worth joining if only for a year, for then we should have the knowledge and experience to start a club of our own.

They are not so expert or so professionally equipped as the Brondesbury people, but from the accounts of the clubs in the magazines I gather that the latter spend far more money on their films than any other society.  Also from conversation both with the Brond. secretary, Mr Ludin, & with the secretary of Aristos I understand that about half the money is put up by Ludin himself who is a tremendous enthusiast.

The Aristos members are considerably younger than the average of the Brondesbury.  This makes for noisiness and delays (!) They are as friendly and nice as the Meynoss people but considerably more intelligent and better equipped.

They have at present twenty members and do not want many more than twenty-five. Their "studio", a big room and some small rooms in a basement, has been given them by a father of a girl member.  The subscription is £1. 1s 0d a year and personal expenses such as refreshments, fares, petrol etc. Which comes to a matter of a few pence per week only.  They allow £10 for making a film where the Brondesbury spend £150!

They are making two films at present: "Night Adventure", the action of which all takes place during one night and early the next morning; and "The Family", a film being made especially for the Amateur Cine World competition.  The latter will be finished in July, the former in October.

There are no acting parts going till July but plenty to do on the technical side.  We can however start making a film of our own using the club for titling, splicing etc which will save us buying a lot of apparatus.

You must come with me next Tuesday.  If Brenda is free Paul and she are coming too.  Miss Seamans also  wants to come, but I am not sure I want her to.  You should have come yesterday; though I admit I was a bit afraid of you being disappointed by "plebeianism" if you didn't have your mind prepared beforehand.  They are just the same as the Brondesbury people, rather the upper shop or lower office class, but all the cine clubs seem to be the same.  As long as you don't put my indifference of it down to my Communism I don't mind.

I get back to Victoria from Boulogne at 3.46 pm. on Sunday.  Will that be early enough for me to come to tea with you at Mr Bernays'?  I can leave my luggage at the station; or, if you have the car, you could perhaps meet me there.

I have just got an invitation to another dance on 28th June from some people called Stephenson who live in Wimbledon.

On Friday Eileen & Herbert arrive.  they should get to Waterloo at about 4.30 p.m. but I can't know until early the same afternoon when the "Deutschland" is about to dock at Southampton.

I hope you haven't forgotten to get me a copy of the "Dream" photograph.  I am very impatient to have it.  How much will it be?

Thanks very much for the cheque.  I have cashed it.

Have you got rid of all the "thankyou" letters yet?  Aren't they a nuisance!  It almost makes one wish the people hadn't given one anything, to try and find something intelligent to say about each one.

Well, I must stop now and try and find a new play plot.

I love you very much.

Will you come and see "Love on the Dole" with me next week? It is supposed to be marvellous.

A whole heartful of love.
"pressed down and overflowing"


Thursday, 21 May 2015

21 May 1935 - Mary to Terrick



Have just torn up slushy letter which took me an hour to write yesterday evening when I might have been writing thank-you letters.  That's what comes of reading them over in the morning.  However, it got a lot off my chest for me and I felt much better - so this one can be quite "early morningish".  I phoned Mr Bernays last night - and promised to go to tea with him next Sunday.  He invited you too - but I suppose you won't be back in time - will you?  It would be much nicer if you came too.

Here is Helen's cheque - did you go round for it last night? she's left the amount for you to fill in.

I had a most wonderful birthday - and I shall never be able to forget it because of you. - how you spoilt my Friday - were quite ineffective on Saturday - and crowned my Sunday.

Thank you ever and ever so much for the camera - you could never realize how much I really appreciate it.

Please go on loving me as much long as possible - because I should never find anybody else who could be so angry with me and love me again afterwards.

         Mary Pleasant

Saturday, 16 May 2015

16th May 1935 - Terrick to Mary

35 Nevern Place

16th May 1935

Dear Old Mary,

Many happy returns of the day!  May you pass as twenty-one for many years yet.

Your present should arrive by the same post.  Unfortunately I have had to leave it in Paul's hands, as I am laid up with bronchial catarrh and haven't been to the office these last two days.  The camera was on order so I wrote & asked Paul to collect it and send it off.  I have just rung up and found that he has done so, but the camera is black.  Kodak only make that model in the one colour.  Does it matter?

I am allowed outdoors again tomorrow so I'll see you in the evening.

Good luck for your party on the 17th!  I hope you manage to combine all the incongruous elements successfully.

How did the O.T. exam go off - or did you funk it?  And Ormond Lodge?  Did you do the Quarrel Scene after all?

You'll have tons of letters to open by this post; so goodbye and all the very best wishes for the next twenty-one years.

May your appetite for life be satisfied in abundance; yet may you never be fed up.

Yours with love


Wednesday, 13 May 2015

13th May 1935 - Terrick to Mary

35 Nevern Place

13th May 1935

Dear Mary, 

Here are my essays.  They are mostly I think - looking at them just a lot of long words; with a bit of cheap sarcasm thrown somewhere into one of them about reasoning.

I am going to the Brondesbury Cine Society tomorrow & have written and asked the Anstos people (Mortlake) if we can both go next Tuesday.  Can you manage that?  On Thursday I am going to the Maynoss one at Ravenscourt Park (three stops your side of Earl's Court).  It starts at 8.15.  Let me know if you can come.  If so I'll meet you just outside the R.P. tube station at 8.00 p.m. When one adds it up 3/6 a year & 6d a week actually comes to much more than the £1. 1s 0d a year one.

I have just been round to see Lamb.  Have you heard anything about him?  He wasn't in and all his own furniture has vanished except the oil painting, the two bowls that I had and the naked "Jill"!  The carpet, desk, bedspread & yellow chair all gone.  Only Hodson's furniture was left & only blankets & pillows on the bed.  Maud wasn't there so I couldn't ask her what had happened.  I believe he was behind with his instalments on the furniture so perhaps Warings have come and collected it.

Then I went to see Renny who gave me some Horlicks.

Well, I must stop now.  It isn't the same writing to you after yesterday.  I don't like it much.  It mustn't last too long.



Thursday, 7 May 2015

7th May 1935 - Terrick to Mary



I expect you thought me batty on the phone this afternoon.  You see there was another strife about private phone calls just before, but as I had already decided that I must ring you & wish you all the best, as I hadn't been able to do it this morning, I chose a time when Hawken was out & asked for your number.  Before the damn thing came through he unexpectedly came back, so when the bell rang I decided to try & pretend that you were ringing me.  When the maid came on I said "Miss Ormiston!" in a tone of mixed surprise & query.  she said "Do you want to speak to her" & I said in a consenting tone "Yes; All right;" & then waited.  So when you came on I had to start "It's me speaking" & before asking anything or wishing you anything  had to wait while you were supposed to be telling me something.

Hence my dotty conversation!

By now it is over.  The second performance halves its terrors for itself.  Do you think yourself that you were good?  Tell me what people said?


At home

I have taken the two films to be developed and also the "still" film with pictures of Schwaneberg on it.  that will be ready tomorrow.  I'll bring the prints to the dance on Friday.

I must stop now & do some work.

Life is great fun.  I feel it is getting  better & better in possibilities.  Perhaps only because it is Springtime.

Your forget-me-nots have perked up amazing now.  The cowslips look a bit tired.

I think that we could be very happy just doing things side by side if (were it possible) sex did not occur to us at all.  It would as a matter of fact be a much happier conjunction than a sex one can ever be, because the little (very little only) thorns of irritation that do arise with us, all originate in the sex aspect of our friendship.

But it cannot be, because I am never content.  When I look at you I want to embrace you.  When I touch you I want to hold you.  It we could life back to back we could be sure, I think, of being very happy together always.

Well, goodbye old thing.



Friday, 1 May 2015

1st May 1935 - Mary to Terrick

Dunally Lodge


Dear Terrick

What I shall feel like when this and next week are over Heaven only knows - a balloon that's been on the point of bursting & has suddenly gone down - specially with Thespians on Thursday, Friday & Saturday & other rehearsals on Saturday, Sunday & Monday.  J. Carlton wants us on Monday from 1.0 p.m to 10 p.m so he told all the court ladies they were not to arrange to meet their "boy friends" about 6 in the evening!  but they were to bring them along to watch - I believe his fiancee is coming - & to crown it all I go back to school on Saturday & school starts on Tuesday.

It seems a very, very long time since I met you at Victoria - I meant to write you a very serious and pious letter that evening - or rather I think it was the next day - but by the time I had settled down with a worried frown between my brows and a pen in my hand - the point in question had walked away from me and dwindled in with the rest of my hectic past.  It still comes back to me occasionally - and makes the most horrible faces at me - but I think it'll go altogether soon - if we give it a chance - and if you don't go to Nice too often!

People are very slow in answering their invitations - i hope a few men can't come, because we've got about 3 too many.  Mummy is going to give me a new frock if she can find one she likes.  We'll see if we can manage one that "lays" on me!!

We're all going up to supper with Grannie tomorrow - it's her 87th birthday - she's a dear old thing - Jill & I are thinking  of giving her tickets for "Lady Precious Stream"

Yesterday I went to tea with Wilkinson (Lysander) & a friend of his - they share a most lowly basement flat in Chelsea (20/- per week).  They both spend their days writing & are frightfully interesting.  I told them about you - generally, I mean - (I feel this makes you very cross - but I find I can't help bringing you in when I want to make my conversation vitally interesting!! - and human!)

I'm having my lemon taffeta dress dyed.

Mrs Cooke asked me if I was going to be engaged yet - or was I going to announce it at my birthday party? (I nonchalantly said "what do you mean? - engaged to be married?")  Actually it's not a bad idea - perhaps a bit embarrassing for you though - if I'd forgotten to warn you beforehand! - I might have to take a leaf out of Mary Burstow's book.

No - I don't think so.  I'm feeling a little to platonic at the moment - I think I usually do feel platonic when you're not there to unnerve me!  I suppose that's a good thing really - but it isn't very romantic.

- I have a great longing at the moment - to have a year's course at the Embassy school of Acting - it's £100 - 100 - 0d - but I've heard such a lot about it lately & it seems wonderful.  I pumped Mummy today - & she didn't down it - but she said she thought it would be a good idea not to tell Miss X definitely about going back in Sept - so I shall just have to play hard.

- I'll expect you at St John's Hall at about 10.45pm on Saturday - I shall just about need a helping hand by that time! - I'm simply aching to see our film - are you going to try it first?  And what about the fort William one?  That's far more exciting - as far as I'm concerned.  Is it at Wensley?  Do get hold of it.

- Darling - I'm feeling very, very platonic this evening - & I don't know your phone number - so I can't alter things.

I have a theory that I'm very good at analysing myself & reactions, psychologically (along with my ancient & much loved theory that I'm "different") - and knowing too well my stupid and rather childish temperament - I realize that always and always the people I like best must be people whom I'm convinced are better than myself (my hero-worship fits just last until I become un-convinced) - Sometimes the least little thing unsettles me inside - and I can't get back again.  I know too that I'm very weak in places & haven't enough self-control to fill an egg-cup.  I do try, from time to time, to be a bit more practical and sensible - but it's going to take me years and years to get to the stage where I'm fit to bring up my own children without making a hash of their emotional qualities.

- This may seem double dutch to you but I'm trying to say something I want to very badly - & I feel you can't understand very well - because you're different.

But please, dearest dear, be very careful with me won't you - I'm an awful fool - you know, don't you? - 

and you see if they're going to be your children too - it complicates matters a bit, doesn't it?


Mary Pleasant

1st May 1935 - Mary to Terrick

In bed


I can't come up this evening - just in case you thought I might - because I'm out every evening this week & have got to work for Miss X this afternoon (I did all yesterday morning too)

But I'll write you a letter some time today so you'll get it tomorrow morning

All this acting business makes me feel tremendously "untrammy" too - But I love you very much.

Mary P.

(delivered by favour of A. Pears)