Christmas Night 1936
Dearest,
It is ten to twelve; I am sitting in my room writing to you because I want to communicate with you in some way this Christmas Day to tell you, to express to you somehow the inexpressible amount of love I bear you.
Everything today from present-giving to the dinner has been without savour from your not being part of it. Without you all happiness is like a violin with a string missing; the simplest melody is broken. I shall never come up here for Christmas again without you, whether we are married next Christmas or not - and we shall be.
To know something one must experience both the presence and absence of that thing. That is why we cannot properly understand time, space and a fifth dimension; we have never been without the first two, or - knowingly, in the last one. And so it is for me with you. When I do not see you I learn something more about you and how much you mean to me. One symptom of it is that I feel quite afraid to think of you and how much you mean to me. One symptom of it is that I feel quite afraid to think or you as going about in a world where there is motor traffic and other dangers. I almost pray to somebody to keep you safe for me.
I have only just remembered to thank you for your lovely presents. My love, or rather our love, was all I could think of, and anyhow includes anything we can give each other. All the three things you gave me are perfect. The gloves are a perfect fit and marvellously warm with their wool lining. I wore them to church this morning. The washing bag was what I both wanted and needed. I have already discarded my old bag and transferred my washing things to yours. I can now stay away with no fears for the appearances of my toilet articles. And as for the despatch case, how did you know? when you got it so quickly I was rather afraid that you might have got one in light leather, which I didn't want, and with leather handles. A dark one with a zip fastener was exactly what I wanted, and my initials on it was that little something extra that exceeded even the picture I had formed in my mind of what I wanted. Thank you ever so much again and again. I like the presents better than the books, nice as they would have been.
Mummy got your card today just as we were going to church. I showed her my new pullover and she said: "How beautifully she knits". She thinks that you must have ruined yourself over my presents. So do I, they must have cost a tremendous lot. And you protest when I told you to pick out something that was almost a guinea! You are a dear!
__________________________
Boxing Day
There is no post out either today or tomorrow so it doesn't look as though you will get this before Monday evening or Tuesday morning.
I had a talk with my father today about getting married. He wants me to tell you that he is all for it and hopes we go ahead with it as soon as we can. he also said that he will give me an allowance of about 10/6 a week when Renny has finished his exams - because he is at present paying that amount to pay for his course. But that promise was made in a rash moment, I shall have to keep him up to it. So that is a good bit of news.
I must stop now and write and thank various aunts. I'll ring you up when I get to town, probably before you get this letter.
This, darling, must be our last Christmas apart.
Love and kisses
Terrick xxx
No comments:
Post a Comment