Thursday, 3 January 2013

2nd January 1933 - Mary to Terrick

Christchurch Road
East Sheen

Dear Fitz

I must write this after all – mainly to uphold my reputation.  Listen – Paul’s quite right I am a flirt - & you can show him this because I’d like him to realize I know it!

But I must stick up for myself somehow – because its such a beastly thing to have said about me & I’d like to try & justify myself a bit.

You see I’m very young (first excuse!) - & you can have no idea what a fascination it is to try & make people like you! – especially innocent youths.  I’ve tried it about half a dozen times & in some cases I’m successful & feel a pig & in others I’m hopelessly floored & feel much better.  My cousins Verney & Reggie I can do anything I like with & consequently don’t want to.  Skip Tayler – the first person I ever really admired - & you take all the wind out of my sails & leave me feeling most horribly young & stupid.

Skip has never spoken to me personally in his life - & you’re so obviously experienced & amused in my childish ways & means – that you make me feel most frightfully good & humble & silly all at the same time.

So there – now you know my murky past - & I think I’d rather have yours – because mine is all made up of hypocritical stupidity - & pretending to be much cleverer than I am – whereas yours doesn’t intentionally inflict any harm on the other party & is entirely natural.

This letter is appalling - & just the sort I shouldn’t be allowed to write – but how can I tell you all this – you’d think (or rather Paul would) that I was doing it just for effect – whereas, this time, I’m perfectly sincere!

Anyway – with regards to Paul – nothing was farther from my intentions on Saturday than flirting with him – please make him believe that will you? – honestly Fitz – I’m not as brutish as all that – only I was so terrified he wouldn’t like me - &  I really dreaded him saying to you afterwards “what on earth did you pick that up for” – so please will you forgive me? – because it doesn’t matter so particularly about him – only I should hate you to think I was just like all the others – it would be the worst humiliation I can think of.
At the present moment I’m sitting up in bed just about to start on the 10th chapter to “high-browity” – I like Elizabeth too – mainly because you said she was nice.

I’m looking forward to Thursday frightfully – but at the moment I’m sure nothing can ever come up to last Saturday.  It was the nicest evening of my life - & thank you ever & ever so much for taking me - & looking after me.

I don’t think there’ll be much need for me to start keeping you up to your principles as we had intended I should – now you know just what sort of a fast hussy you picked up! – But then you should know by this time that all women are a sham & delusion !!

But Please, Fitz, always believe that you make me feel good – so that I still can be & anyway you’ll have Norah there on Thursday – as shall I.

Yours with ever so much friendship

Mary Pleasant

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