Sunday, 22 May 2016

22nd May 1936 - Mary to Terrick

Thursday evening

My dearest dear - these days drag by in a flash.  Half of me is too rushed to do anything I want to properly - and the other half misses just the look and sound of you so badly that, if I think, I can feel my heart inside me get tighter and tighter with aching and it presses against the back of my eyes - until I have to think my hardest about something else, in case I cry (and it doesn't even help to say there's nothing to cry for) I'm afraid I'm a bit of a weakling - but it's something to explain it to you - because more and more I come to realize that men's and women's feelings in love are very very different - so one of the safest things to do first is to find out and understand what the other person feels, so that you can fit in.

It's strange what a vivid picture I have of how we'll treat each other when we're married.  It's much more me coming to live in your life than you mine - but they're very separate lives, all the same.  I hope, in some ways, they won't be quite as separate as I picture them, but I'm quite convinced the most ideal kind of friendship between two people is one that doesn't make too many demands on the other - and yet has a limitless fund of interest in the other.

Darling - it would be one of the most wonderful things if you had a room in Richmond (and, from the look of the advertisements in the local paper, it ought to be easy to get one) - but Fulham and the Finance Committee worry me a bit.  Not because (and this will always worry me more) I can make myself care very much bout people being unfairly turned out of their homes in Chelsea - but because I have got so used to thinking of you as encased in a layer of magnificent ambition for the good of mankind; that if it was through me that it got broken, it would break my heart too.  So, if there's the slightest chance of your coming to Richmond and spoiling one of the tings I love best in you - I'd much rather you stayed where you are - and if ever afterwards an occasion ever arises when you want with all your heart to do something for me - and yet it means leaving one of the best parts of yourself behind - please, please, just explain to me and don't do it.  Because I'm such a selfish person sometimes, and I'm always sorry for it afterwards.

I loved going to Aunt Mildred's - and would have liked to have written & thanked her (specially as it was their last bottle of champagne!) - but I thought perhaps it might have looked a bit silly.

Miss Cross took us for a lovely picnic yesterday - But she drives so badly she gave me the willies all the way.  We saw her cottage and she's rented it for 3 years at £45 a year.  It's in most wonderful repair and much nicer inside than out.  It's not really at all picturesque but really very nice.  She bought a Dalton's weekly which I looked at - it simply makes your mouth water - cottages & flats by the million - a flat in Elleker Gardens, Richmond for 17/- a week!

I have had "The Bride's Book" sent me by the Evening Standard - it's really quite nice with heaps of nice useful hints as to how to get stains off furniture and clean carpets and blank pages to put in your own hints and recipes etc: I'll show it to you on Saturday.

We come back to school next term on Sept 22nd - so if you could wangle yours on the 14th - we could go to Wensley (if they ask me) - on Friday Sept 11th for a week - which would be lovely  - or anywhere else with you would be wonderful.

I haven't had time to clip much into my "English in Love" - but I'm frightfully thrilled with it.  Than you so much.

It's Walton Regatta on Saturday - I was thinking we might buy the Richmond & Twickenham Times & meet for lunch at 1.30 - & look at rooms for fun in the afternoon.  But I suppose it would be nicer to go down to watch the racing in the Dinghy (if it's warm)

- Oh - my very own dearest dearest dear you seem such a long long way away - and I don't seem to be able to see nearly enough of you - I suppose you'll be too busy tomorrow evening to ring me up? - that would help Saturday to come a bit nearer. - If not, Saturday morning before 9 is best.

I love you so very very much.

- If I could see you for 10 minutes it would be all right - but I suppose I can wait.

Mary Pleasant   xxx

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