35 Nevern Place
S.W. 5
14th May 1937
Petootie Darling!
You poor old thing! When I opened your letter I certainly did not expect it to be so different from all your others - & so grumbly.
Both you and your mother are right - and wrong. You do owe your mother a lot which you ought to repay her - in attentions; and also you ought to think of what she would like whether you owed her anything or not (Listen to me talking - a bit of practice would be a good thing.) In that way, viewing the matter entirely abstractly and in principle, your mother is right and you are wrong.
But in practice your other makes it difficult for you to carry out what she wants you to do & what it is right for you to do.
Her mind is so wrapt up by & limited to her children - she wants their love and attention so much - but because she needs it so much she goes about it all the wrong way to get. She begs and importunes for it.
To start with she has the handicap that young people are not interested in middle-aged people unless those middle-aged people from their experience can offer them leadership in some thing even if it is only small. Think of some elderly or middle-aged people whom you would choose to spend a day with: Mr Bernays, Hock, the Bishop of Ripon. They are people, aren't they, who you feel you can't help learning from in their own particular way, and who stand independent and firm - to be lent on (in their line) with confidence if necessary.
But as your mother's chief interest is you she cannot lead you, only follow. You cannot lean on her; she is leaning on you.
And to make it worse your mother has put herself in a position where she is not only mentally dependent on you but also physically because she cannot drive the car. By being hard one can ignore and slip off a mind that constantly calls for assistance; but not a foot. You find that in your fairly restricted spare time you have to spend part of it driving to places you don't want to go to, because you have to take someone in whom, if she were not your mother, you would not be interested. It naturally creates friction.
Your mother cannot suddenly change her nature; but think what a difference it would make if she merely learnt to drive. It would as a matter of fact help her just a little to be more mentally independent of you. If she could say instead of "Will you take me to the flood-lighting, Mary?"; "Well, I'm off to town to see the illuminations. Anyone like to come?" It might do her a world of good. Imagine her saying on Sunday morning: "I'm driving down to the sea today with Auntie Esmie. There's room for two in the back." At first she would have to go by herself, but after a bit her family would soon be glad to go with someone who knew her own mind and had the ability to act in accordance with it. At least knowing how to drive would give her the physical ability to move independently of you, even if she didn't often wish to take advantage of it. Try to persuade her to go to the BSM and be properly taught. I am quite prepared to tell her most of all this.
I must stop now or miss the post.
Goodnight my dearest.
Terrick
who loves you.
Sunday, 14 May 2017
Saturday, 13 May 2017
13th May 1937 - Mary to Terrick
Home
Thursday
Dear Ticky - We've had another slight bust up here this morning. Mummy asked me if I would drive her up to the office and back this afternoon as she wanted to see the decorations. I said I'd been looking forward to doing nothing all day and just knitting. She was frightfully upset and said she'd been plucking up courage for two days to ask me to do this for her - and had thought of it all yesterday & 50% of her going to bed early was so we could be together - and it was always the same now - whatever she asked me to do for her I never wanted to do it & I never lifted a finger to help anybody. While she did all she could looking after the house, getting the food - having my friends here - living for the time when I came home - and when I didn't want to do things with her or for her it "sapped her very existence" and made her feel she hated me 0 and everybody else would, too, if I didn't pull myself together and help and show some interest in other people.
I know she's said similar things before - but I don't often feel it as badly as I do at the moment. It becomes more and more difficult for me to do things for others. I don't know why I have felt it so much more these last few months - but I can almost remember it starting. The thing I look forward too all the week (when every minute is mapped out - if not school then things for myself) is being able to spend one whole day just choosing what I'll do or not do - and, you see, this way nobody else comes into my reckoning at all - they just don't occur to me. I have never lacked for company or had to depend for home or food on myself - so I've ceased to realize what part the people who do these things for me play in my life. Everything has always been wonderful for me - I wouldn't change places with anybody in the world - just because I suppose, my mother & family have always been so good to me. But when it comes to doing anything for them which interferes with what I had planned for myself (being at school all the week makes me plan out every minute of my day) I SIMPLY CANNOT DO IT - I remind myself a hundred times of my food and roof and clothes and all Mummy does for me - but immediately there creeps in how much I long to be by myself doing the 101 things that can never be done at school, and which make life so interesting - the little things.
You know you tease me sometimes about having 4 months holiday a year and yet complaining of never having enough time to - try writing stories - read book you have to think about - enquire about acting & films - well, of course, a good bit of it is my own lack of effort - I'm not really made of the right stuff - but a pretty good percentage is just because living in this house, with these people is another job in itself - It isn't "4 months holiday" - it's "4 months change of position".
- And just this last two months - with so much apart form this house and the people in it to occupy my time and thoughts it has seemed more and more impossible to think of them.
I know quite, quite well (and don't think I'm fool enough not to be quite sincere) that I'm being horribly selfish to them. You don't think I'm selfish because, naturally, you never have a chance of seeing that side of me (except sometimes!) - but I am - and it seems to grow larger & larger as I get more and more impatient with it all.
Mummy lives just for me and the others - she gives me presents and money and is longing to help me with getting married - and, yet, when she asks me to drive her up to the office and back I say I had thought of knitting all day!! - & it's not only today - it's often and often - & I hate myself - but it doesn't help me to change.
- This evening we go to the Pictures & tomorrow Aunt Floss has to be fetched to lunch & I take them over to watch a wedding at Esher - back to school in the evening - so there's tomorrow gone bang.
If only I could feel sincerely sorry and remember next time - but I don't.
If only someone would explain to me why it's all like this - if it's me that's all wrong and need a jolly good shaking - or our home life that's been a bit mismanaged.
I can't decide by myself - but I do know something's wrong with my not feeling for Mummy & the family the way I should.
We always seem to be in a small vicious circle.
Excuse all this, dearest dear, but I thought perhaps you could do a bit of explaining to me.
This "family" business seems such a thankless task - do you suppose it's worth it?
Your
Mary
Thursday
Dear Ticky - We've had another slight bust up here this morning. Mummy asked me if I would drive her up to the office and back this afternoon as she wanted to see the decorations. I said I'd been looking forward to doing nothing all day and just knitting. She was frightfully upset and said she'd been plucking up courage for two days to ask me to do this for her - and had thought of it all yesterday & 50% of her going to bed early was so we could be together - and it was always the same now - whatever she asked me to do for her I never wanted to do it & I never lifted a finger to help anybody. While she did all she could looking after the house, getting the food - having my friends here - living for the time when I came home - and when I didn't want to do things with her or for her it "sapped her very existence" and made her feel she hated me 0 and everybody else would, too, if I didn't pull myself together and help and show some interest in other people.
I know she's said similar things before - but I don't often feel it as badly as I do at the moment. It becomes more and more difficult for me to do things for others. I don't know why I have felt it so much more these last few months - but I can almost remember it starting. The thing I look forward too all the week (when every minute is mapped out - if not school then things for myself) is being able to spend one whole day just choosing what I'll do or not do - and, you see, this way nobody else comes into my reckoning at all - they just don't occur to me. I have never lacked for company or had to depend for home or food on myself - so I've ceased to realize what part the people who do these things for me play in my life. Everything has always been wonderful for me - I wouldn't change places with anybody in the world - just because I suppose, my mother & family have always been so good to me. But when it comes to doing anything for them which interferes with what I had planned for myself (being at school all the week makes me plan out every minute of my day) I SIMPLY CANNOT DO IT - I remind myself a hundred times of my food and roof and clothes and all Mummy does for me - but immediately there creeps in how much I long to be by myself doing the 101 things that can never be done at school, and which make life so interesting - the little things.
You know you tease me sometimes about having 4 months holiday a year and yet complaining of never having enough time to - try writing stories - read book you have to think about - enquire about acting & films - well, of course, a good bit of it is my own lack of effort - I'm not really made of the right stuff - but a pretty good percentage is just because living in this house, with these people is another job in itself - It isn't "4 months holiday" - it's "4 months change of position".
- And just this last two months - with so much apart form this house and the people in it to occupy my time and thoughts it has seemed more and more impossible to think of them.
I know quite, quite well (and don't think I'm fool enough not to be quite sincere) that I'm being horribly selfish to them. You don't think I'm selfish because, naturally, you never have a chance of seeing that side of me (except sometimes!) - but I am - and it seems to grow larger & larger as I get more and more impatient with it all.
Mummy lives just for me and the others - she gives me presents and money and is longing to help me with getting married - and, yet, when she asks me to drive her up to the office and back I say I had thought of knitting all day!! - & it's not only today - it's often and often - & I hate myself - but it doesn't help me to change.
- This evening we go to the Pictures & tomorrow Aunt Floss has to be fetched to lunch & I take them over to watch a wedding at Esher - back to school in the evening - so there's tomorrow gone bang.
If only I could feel sincerely sorry and remember next time - but I don't.
If only someone would explain to me why it's all like this - if it's me that's all wrong and need a jolly good shaking - or our home life that's been a bit mismanaged.
I can't decide by myself - but I do know something's wrong with my not feeling for Mummy & the family the way I should.
We always seem to be in a small vicious circle.
Excuse all this, dearest dear, but I thought perhaps you could do a bit of explaining to me.
This "family" business seems such a thankless task - do you suppose it's worth it?
Your
Mary
Wednesday, 10 May 2017
10th May 1937 - Terrick to Mary
Ladies' Army & Navy Club
27 St James's Place, S.W.1.
10th May 1937
Darling,
I am coming straight down from the office tomorrow. As my mother has to get up so early she is going to bed early.
We may all three go to "The Good Earth" on Thursday. We have just been to see "Black Limelight" - quite exciting, but I have known it better done.
Goodnight, my darling. Three months and twenty eight days.
I love you.
Terrick
Ring me tomorrow & let me know if we can meet at Richmond. Or are you going home earlier?
27 St James's Place, S.W.1.
10th May 1937
Darling,
I am coming straight down from the office tomorrow. As my mother has to get up so early she is going to bed early.
We may all three go to "The Good Earth" on Thursday. We have just been to see "Black Limelight" - quite exciting, but I have known it better done.
Goodnight, my darling. Three months and twenty eight days.
I love you.
Terrick
Ring me tomorrow & let me know if we can meet at Richmond. Or are you going home earlier?
Tuesday, 2 May 2017
2nd May 1937 - Postcard from Terrick to Mary
A lovely morning. I have been wandering round Cologne but I wanted to show you so much all the time. A good crossing, but a frightfully overheated carriage. We arrived here at 6am It's now 8.15. I leave again at 10am. I have bought a book of de Maupassaant's short stories to read in the train. They are very good.
Terrick
How did the birthday party go?
Friday, 21 April 2017
21st April 1937 - Mary to Terrick
O.V.S.
Wednesday 6pm
Dearest Dear - Thank you for your very nice letter - I was the only one to get one at breakfast this morning & everyone was most envious! The photograph isn't too good - you'd combed your hair down too straight. It looks so much nicer when it curls!
Haven't you got time to have another one done? I should hate them to think your hair could only look like that!
I'm glad about the new glasses - we'll try them out properly at the pictures on Friday - unless you've been before then. I also had a good idea about the bulb - unless you've got a new one already. Why can't you use one of those we keep for the titler? It's wasted most of the time in its box - you might just as well be using it. I can't think why it didn't strike us before. I don't suppose Imperial Airways really take much notice of those forms - it's usually mostly formality. I should think they either remember you or make a few notes afterwards. I broached Miss X about Joan's wedding - but I can't be spared as it's so near beginning of term - & I couldn't honestly make out she was a very near relation!!
But I'm glad you're going (the Poly will start getting a bit suspicious about your free afternoons!) - and you can give me full details in the evening - so mind you get as much information as possible! (You'll probably have to answer some "leading questions" from your mother as well!!)
I'm looking forward to my birthday now - I'm on duty on the Tuesday instead - but there's a half term in June which I'm going to be free for (about the first time since I've been here!) - as Freeth is doing it instead.
Today has been tremendously wearing. My family would never recognise me if they could see me working from morn to dewy eve! It seems quite different somehow - knowing exactly what has to be done and that you're responsible. Instead of being asked to do odds & ends here and there when you've just settled to something else. It was awful at home this hols. It gets more and more difficult to do things just because family ties demand it. When for 8 months of the year one is treated like a knowledgeable and responsible person - with an opinion that counts for something - it is most wilting to discover one is hall-marked "inefficiency" immediately you get home. It's quite natural, because there's nothing very much I do properly at home - so that I'm now growing to look on it as a holiday where I'm really not interested enough to join in with the lives of the occupants of the house. I always feel much happier here.
Grannie is looking forward to her birthday luncheon on the 1st - can we give her something between us? - because I can't think of anything she really wants. I ran over to see her yesterday - & she asked if you had the photograph of me sitting on a stool taken at the same time as those with the twins in the garden. I'm not sure whether it was one of those three Mummy gave you - but if not I said I was sure you'd like Grannie's copy (so you'll jolly well have to!) She thinks it's the nicest of me & would like you to have it - so there'll probably be a nice formal & slightly embarrassing presentation of it on the 1st!!!
I'll be at the office by 6 on Friday - you'll be back in the afternoon - won't you? Let's go to the pictures first & eat afterwards. I don't know if I can last till then without seeing you. I'm afraid I make life more restless for myself by seeing so much of you - it's a bit worrying - but I do see more than ever that having lots to do is the best way to get over it!
One Thursday you must come to the Shakespeare rehearsal - because I don't do anything - and I could talk to you all the time! (This, of course, is just another excuse!)
- Oh - but why should I be ashamed of myself when I have the greatest and most glorious of all excuses for seeing you for ever and ever more - every week and every day and every hour - because I love you so dearly - and you love me.
Mary
Wednesday 6pm
Dearest Dear - Thank you for your very nice letter - I was the only one to get one at breakfast this morning & everyone was most envious! The photograph isn't too good - you'd combed your hair down too straight. It looks so much nicer when it curls!
Haven't you got time to have another one done? I should hate them to think your hair could only look like that!
I'm glad about the new glasses - we'll try them out properly at the pictures on Friday - unless you've been before then. I also had a good idea about the bulb - unless you've got a new one already. Why can't you use one of those we keep for the titler? It's wasted most of the time in its box - you might just as well be using it. I can't think why it didn't strike us before. I don't suppose Imperial Airways really take much notice of those forms - it's usually mostly formality. I should think they either remember you or make a few notes afterwards. I broached Miss X about Joan's wedding - but I can't be spared as it's so near beginning of term - & I couldn't honestly make out she was a very near relation!!
But I'm glad you're going (the Poly will start getting a bit suspicious about your free afternoons!) - and you can give me full details in the evening - so mind you get as much information as possible! (You'll probably have to answer some "leading questions" from your mother as well!!)
I'm looking forward to my birthday now - I'm on duty on the Tuesday instead - but there's a half term in June which I'm going to be free for (about the first time since I've been here!) - as Freeth is doing it instead.
Today has been tremendously wearing. My family would never recognise me if they could see me working from morn to dewy eve! It seems quite different somehow - knowing exactly what has to be done and that you're responsible. Instead of being asked to do odds & ends here and there when you've just settled to something else. It was awful at home this hols. It gets more and more difficult to do things just because family ties demand it. When for 8 months of the year one is treated like a knowledgeable and responsible person - with an opinion that counts for something - it is most wilting to discover one is hall-marked "inefficiency" immediately you get home. It's quite natural, because there's nothing very much I do properly at home - so that I'm now growing to look on it as a holiday where I'm really not interested enough to join in with the lives of the occupants of the house. I always feel much happier here.
Grannie is looking forward to her birthday luncheon on the 1st - can we give her something between us? - because I can't think of anything she really wants. I ran over to see her yesterday - & she asked if you had the photograph of me sitting on a stool taken at the same time as those with the twins in the garden. I'm not sure whether it was one of those three Mummy gave you - but if not I said I was sure you'd like Grannie's copy (so you'll jolly well have to!) She thinks it's the nicest of me & would like you to have it - so there'll probably be a nice formal & slightly embarrassing presentation of it on the 1st!!!
I'll be at the office by 6 on Friday - you'll be back in the afternoon - won't you? Let's go to the pictures first & eat afterwards. I don't know if I can last till then without seeing you. I'm afraid I make life more restless for myself by seeing so much of you - it's a bit worrying - but I do see more than ever that having lots to do is the best way to get over it!
One Thursday you must come to the Shakespeare rehearsal - because I don't do anything - and I could talk to you all the time! (This, of course, is just another excuse!)
- Oh - but why should I be ashamed of myself when I have the greatest and most glorious of all excuses for seeing you for ever and ever more - every week and every day and every hour - because I love you so dearly - and you love me.
Mary
Thursday, 20 April 2017
20th April 1937 - Terrick to Mary
35 Nevern Place
S.W. 5
20th April 1937
My dearest,
Last night I was showing Renny those three photographs of you that your mother gave me and which I took out of their frame. They made, as they did when I first saw them, a tremendous feeling of tenderness for you well up inside me. It is just a littler edition of you now:- such a loving, lovable little girl who is too good for anyone like me or anyone else. Heavens, I am lucky!
Yesterday I got a letter from home saying that Daddy was sending Renny and me new Revelation cases with our initials on them, and this evening they have come. Mine is initialled "G.B.H.F"! I shall ring up the Revelation people tomorrow & get them to change it, but I very much suspect that the fault is in my father's terrible writing. It may be though that he ordered it verbally in Harrogate and the salesman took down G.B. instead of T.V. which certainly sounds similar.
Another thing that happened last night is that I got a letter from Joan asking you me and Renny to her wedding at 10.15 am on Friday 23rd at Hampstead Parish Church. Renny can't com but I asked off this morning. Joan also rang up and enquired whether I could come. I told her definitely about myself but didn't promise for you. Will you come? It would be great fun. I think I'll ring you up and ask you.
I have got my new lenses which seem very good. At the moment I see better with my left eye than with my right but the optician says my eyes have to accustom themselves to the new lenses.
On reading through the details for applications for the Imperial Airway job I see that I have to have passed either Matric, or School Cert with 5 credits including English, Maths & a Modern Language. I didn't go in for Matric but I passed School Cert with a fair number of credits though I don't know about five - but Maths quite definitely was not one of them. I only got 33% - I have written home to ask if they have the Certificate there.
I got my photo from Selfridge. Here is one but isn't it awful. I wasn't quite ready & was just going to smile, hence the lazy lip.
Goodbye, my little darling. I wish you were the size you were in your old photos so that I could pick you up in my arms and rock you.
I love you very much.
Terrick XXXXX
S.W. 5
20th April 1937
My dearest,
Last night I was showing Renny those three photographs of you that your mother gave me and which I took out of their frame. They made, as they did when I first saw them, a tremendous feeling of tenderness for you well up inside me. It is just a littler edition of you now:- such a loving, lovable little girl who is too good for anyone like me or anyone else. Heavens, I am lucky!
Yesterday I got a letter from home saying that Daddy was sending Renny and me new Revelation cases with our initials on them, and this evening they have come. Mine is initialled "G.B.H.F"! I shall ring up the Revelation people tomorrow & get them to change it, but I very much suspect that the fault is in my father's terrible writing. It may be though that he ordered it verbally in Harrogate and the salesman took down G.B. instead of T.V. which certainly sounds similar.
Another thing that happened last night is that I got a letter from Joan asking you me and Renny to her wedding at 10.15 am on Friday 23rd at Hampstead Parish Church. Renny can't com but I asked off this morning. Joan also rang up and enquired whether I could come. I told her definitely about myself but didn't promise for you. Will you come? It would be great fun. I think I'll ring you up and ask you.
I have got my new lenses which seem very good. At the moment I see better with my left eye than with my right but the optician says my eyes have to accustom themselves to the new lenses.
On reading through the details for applications for the Imperial Airway job I see that I have to have passed either Matric, or School Cert with 5 credits including English, Maths & a Modern Language. I didn't go in for Matric but I passed School Cert with a fair number of credits though I don't know about five - but Maths quite definitely was not one of them. I only got 33% - I have written home to ask if they have the Certificate there.
I got my photo from Selfridge. Here is one but isn't it awful. I wasn't quite ready & was just going to smile, hence the lazy lip.
Goodbye, my little darling. I wish you were the size you were in your old photos so that I could pick you up in my arms and rock you.
I love you very much.
Terrick XXXXX
Wednesday, 5 April 2017
5th April 1937 - Mary to Terrick
Dunally
April 5th '37
Dearest One - it's the most perfect thing to feel as close to anybody as I do to you. As each day goes by more & more do I feel that we're wasting time - everything would be worth twice it's present value if we were together. Every two minutes I want to look up and say "Terrick" and for you to say "Yes?" - and then to ask you the hundred & one things that nobody else would know the answer to.
This isn't "love" - it's just "incompleteness" - you can understand people getting fat with contentment when they suddenly find the empty places of their souls filled up - the smallness of their minds absorbed in something greater and their bodies made whole. it's a state of idealism which I am sure could so easily drug it's addicts and blind them to it's possibilities. I have go to remember so consistently, darling, that life can't be lived by running my fingers through your hair or polishing your shoes. It's very difficult for womankind to keep any part of herself her own - since her whole instinct is to merge everything with a being stronger than herself where it becomes swallowed up. Perhaps in the majority of cases it's only a passing phase - & the trouble starts when she tries to emerge. You'll keep me bright & sane, darling won't you? - I'm not always a fool - and I feel that under a nice, steady platonic, dispassionate guiding influence, I might even aspire to intelligence!
I don't now whether any of this is sense - I never do - but there's something I want to say behind it all - and it helps to try.
I have written to your father and asked him about my photographs - have you written to your mother about the rug? - I see it measures (?)7" x 54" so it's quite a good size.
I can have the car tomorrow so I'll be outside the office at 1.30 if that's O.K. with you & we'll go straight off to Bowman's. Then I'll find something to do in the afternoon & meet you at 6.
After that I don't care what we do - wander round the Marble Arch holding hands if you like - I love you so so much that a good dose of sitting and just looking at you would suit me nicely - and be awfully cheap!
- My dearest dear - noone knows how tremendously lucky I am -
Your
Mary Pleasant
April 5th '37
Dearest One - it's the most perfect thing to feel as close to anybody as I do to you. As each day goes by more & more do I feel that we're wasting time - everything would be worth twice it's present value if we were together. Every two minutes I want to look up and say "Terrick" and for you to say "Yes?" - and then to ask you the hundred & one things that nobody else would know the answer to.
This isn't "love" - it's just "incompleteness" - you can understand people getting fat with contentment when they suddenly find the empty places of their souls filled up - the smallness of their minds absorbed in something greater and their bodies made whole. it's a state of idealism which I am sure could so easily drug it's addicts and blind them to it's possibilities. I have go to remember so consistently, darling, that life can't be lived by running my fingers through your hair or polishing your shoes. It's very difficult for womankind to keep any part of herself her own - since her whole instinct is to merge everything with a being stronger than herself where it becomes swallowed up. Perhaps in the majority of cases it's only a passing phase - & the trouble starts when she tries to emerge. You'll keep me bright & sane, darling won't you? - I'm not always a fool - and I feel that under a nice, steady platonic, dispassionate guiding influence, I might even aspire to intelligence!
I don't now whether any of this is sense - I never do - but there's something I want to say behind it all - and it helps to try.
I have written to your father and asked him about my photographs - have you written to your mother about the rug? - I see it measures (?)7" x 54" so it's quite a good size.
I can have the car tomorrow so I'll be outside the office at 1.30 if that's O.K. with you & we'll go straight off to Bowman's. Then I'll find something to do in the afternoon & meet you at 6.
After that I don't care what we do - wander round the Marble Arch holding hands if you like - I love you so so much that a good dose of sitting and just looking at you would suit me nicely - and be awfully cheap!
- My dearest dear - noone knows how tremendously lucky I am -
Your
Mary Pleasant
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