35 Nevern Place
S.W. 5
14th May 1937
Petootie Darling!
You poor old thing! When I opened your letter I certainly did not expect it to be so different from all your others - & so grumbly.
Both you and your mother are right - and wrong. You do owe your mother a lot which you ought to repay her - in attentions; and also you ought to think of what she would like whether you owed her anything or not (Listen to me talking - a bit of practice would be a good thing.) In that way, viewing the matter entirely abstractly and in principle, your mother is right and you are wrong.
But in practice your other makes it difficult for you to carry out what she wants you to do & what it is right for you to do.
Her mind is so wrapt up by & limited to her children - she wants their love and attention so much - but because she needs it so much she goes about it all the wrong way to get. She begs and importunes for it.
To start with she has the handicap that young people are not interested in middle-aged people unless those middle-aged people from their experience can offer them leadership in some thing even if it is only small. Think of some elderly or middle-aged people whom you would choose to spend a day with: Mr Bernays, Hock, the Bishop of Ripon. They are people, aren't they, who you feel you can't help learning from in their own particular way, and who stand independent and firm - to be lent on (in their line) with confidence if necessary.
But as your mother's chief interest is you she cannot lead you, only follow. You cannot lean on her; she is leaning on you.
And to make it worse your mother has put herself in a position where she is not only mentally dependent on you but also physically because she cannot drive the car. By being hard one can ignore and slip off a mind that constantly calls for assistance; but not a foot. You find that in your fairly restricted spare time you have to spend part of it driving to places you don't want to go to, because you have to take someone in whom, if she were not your mother, you would not be interested. It naturally creates friction.
Your mother cannot suddenly change her nature; but think what a difference it would make if she merely learnt to drive. It would as a matter of fact help her just a little to be more mentally independent of you. If she could say instead of "Will you take me to the flood-lighting, Mary?"; "Well, I'm off to town to see the illuminations. Anyone like to come?" It might do her a world of good. Imagine her saying on Sunday morning: "I'm driving down to the sea today with Auntie Esmie. There's room for two in the back." At first she would have to go by herself, but after a bit her family would soon be glad to go with someone who knew her own mind and had the ability to act in accordance with it. At least knowing how to drive would give her the physical ability to move independently of you, even if she didn't often wish to take advantage of it. Try to persuade her to go to the BSM and be properly taught. I am quite prepared to tell her most of all this.
I must stop now or miss the post.
Goodnight my dearest.
Terrick
who loves you.
No comments:
Post a Comment