17th June 1935 - Mary to Terrick

Old Vicarage School
Richmond
June 17th 1935


Dear Heart - I'm writing under great difficulty as the elocution class of some Richmond woman I've never heard of, is rehearsing "Sixteen" in the gym with the doors open - and it makes me itch to sit here and listen to them.  Miss Olsson is complaining that I'm being a bit snappy this evening and has suggested I'm writing to you - though I can't see how the two things join up.  We have had a very hectic game of tennis and I came back dripping with heat - so I washed and lay on my bed in my petticoat for half an hour and fell fast asleep (as usual) - but not before I'd thought how nice it would be one day to go to sleep and wake up and find you there - I often imagine nice times to myself like that - like when I had to rest in the morning when I was small I always used to shut my eyes and pretend I was being pushed along in the pram again - and people kept looking in and saying "what a beautiful child, Mrs Ormiston, how old did you say she was?"! - thinking of you waking me up gives me exactly the same sort of thrill so perhaps in the letter you're going to write me tomorrow evening (as well as phoning) you might explain the psychology of it for me, will you? (But you needn't if it's too lurid!)

What shall we do this weekend? - At 2.30 on Saturday I've got to spout the Prologue at Asgill House - but it'll only take me 10 minutes so I could meet you afterwards & we could go home together.  I think Jack & Jill will be going to Marlow regatta - or we could go for a walk somewhere if you liked.

- Will you come & see Jack at St John's Hall on Friday?  I suppose we ought to because he came to see me - but I feel it'll be a bit difficult to sit through when he's not on.

The weather doesn't look as if it's going to be up to much this week for the river but we can find something else, can't we?

- I must stop and catch the post - and then do some German !!

I suppose no one can ever say all they want to to someone they love - not even in a letter - but I'd give a lot to say more to you.

I still have dreadful heart pangs that you don't know the real me. - because, you see, I don't really.  - But the worst thing about me is my innate "weakness" in everything I do and aim at - and you know a fair amount about that - so it's a bit of a load off my mind.  I have great hopes of strengthening with age - I might even be a woman worth respecting when I'm 40!

Your love is a tremendous thing in my life - because it makes me put someone else first - and one day it might even do all the books say it does!

- However, I love you simply, damnably & subhumanly at this moment.

Mary xxx