The Office
Friday
Dear Terrick - you are an old chump, aren't you? Anyway I hope to goodness you have received my letter of last Monday by now - I shouldn't like your 30 clients having to endure excursions conducted by harassed youth. I am sorry now that I didn't write as usual - but I honestly didn't get time to settle down to a letter to you - and it never occurred to me in the slightest that you'd miss it as much as you professed you did. It's very silly really to rely on one person's letter so much - heavens only knows why you do. My last was, on reflection, an absolute abomination of desolation - or more precisely a disgusting exhibition of a wholly egoistical letter written by an entirely self-centred and selfish child. It was, a bit, wasn't it? My friend of the weekend has informed me of what I am - she is horribly disappointed to think that the school-girl she once knew can have grown into such a pig-headed, unenthusiastic, entirely self-centred being - & she never wants to see me again - and it's quite true, you know, that's what hurts about it all - heaps of people have told me exactly the same thing - even Mr Bernays says I must find somebody I can like better than myself - so I must be a mess!
- It's so difficult to know how to cure myself though - & here I go again, spouting it all out to you, hoping for a little denial from the one source I can try for it from, & thereby proving myself all the beastly things I am.
I must get something to do -
- To come off "me" for a bit - (great effort!)
- You seem to be having a hectically busy time - It must be rather a strain all the time isn't it? I'm glad some people remunerate your congenial efforts - do you save it all? We've been having much colder weather this week - in fact we had snow on Tuesday - & I got caught in it all dressed up in my new white hat - which I find droops horribly when moist! jack took two snaps of me the other day before breakfast - if they're good I'll send them to you.
- In what particular way would you describe Paul's latest as a 'winner' - just looks & general smartness - or is she also all that is to be desired as regards intellectual capacity? I suppose Paul thinks so anyhow - make him be careful, won't you?
This is a new pad I bought last Saturday - 200 sheets - so I may manage to make it last for one or two more letters to you.
- Have you any inkling at all as to when you're coming home?
The garden, at the moment, is perfect. The apple blossom is just coming out - all pink & white - Mr Hodson is sleeping in the tent at the bottom - I should live it. - & all the tulips are sprouting. Mummy is frightfully bucked with it - she does it all by herself, you know.
- I think I shall join the Tennis Club in Richmond. Perhaps it would have part of the desired effect - & also I shall get to know a few more people - which, I suppose, must be also desirable.
The treasure hunt is on Sunday - it ought to be great fun if the weather keeps fine. Did I tell you I bathed in the river the other day? It was freezing - but the family's faces when I told them made it worth while.
Norah was full of beans last Wednesday, she's staying down at their bungalow now - running around in cotton frocks & sandals - you must go there one day - it's lovely - I'll take you.
- Fancy having two tickets for a ball & no one to take! - it makes me long for wings to fly over - I wish I got asked to more dances - I don't mind in the slightest who I go with as long as he flatters my vanity - & then I like him immediately - which is rather a nasty thing to say - but incidentally quite true - & probably mainly the reason that you & I have anything to do with each other. I'm not at all a nice person to know really ! - So perhaps it's a good job you don't.
- Well I'll let you know all about treasure hunt etc next week - when I write!
- I'm awfully sorry, really truly, old thing, I caused such mental havoc by missing a letter - it's frightfully wrong, you know, to bet just a silly old letter of mine make such a difference - honestly - I meant it - Cheer up - if you find time to - be good & please please don't count on me too much - my motives are so horribly ulterior & self-centred!! But you're a dear boy all the same - forgive me for being such a fool. Write soon.
Love
Mary (Pleasant?) xxx
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